Showing posts from March, 2013


After months and months of concerns, questions, worries and the occasional contradictory moments of feeling success and unhappiness, it's come to an end. In what is still a baffling turn of events (even after a full month of looking back and doubting myself, my previous actions, asking myself "why?", and generally feeling smaller than I've felt in more than a decade), I'm finally starting to look forward again, to tomorrow and next month and to next year and beyond.

And now that I am looking at the future again, I'm beginning to realize that in many ways I've been spinning my wheels. Figuratively, obviously. I've spent so much of the last 6 months waiting. Waiting for this to happen, so that I can do that. Waiting for this person to get me information about something so that I can do that thing. Just - waiting. Now I'm seeing that the holding pattern I was in was of particular design to keep me somewhat busy and somewhat content, so that I was…